So Much For The Tough Guy

All this time my deep emotions and thoughts have been buried deep within my heart
almost no one knows what emotions that goes through my heart (except one who got really close..)
its not any of their faults
perhaps its because i hide it too well bahzz
no one really notices
i drank much last night
initially i really wanted to get really drunk and really pour everything out
but this sense of responsibility in me kept me from getting drunk despite having to drink so much
the need to take care of my other friends who were drunk
i just didn't want to burden my friends with my problems
not that i feel burdened whenever my friends pour their heartfelts unto me
i know that everyone needs emotional support every now and then
but i just feel that there's no need to let someone else help you solve your problems

like they say bottled emotions are never too good for one
perhaps i just got a bigger bottle than others bahzz
but no matter how big the bottle is
i can feel it filling up

another saying goes that men don't cry
i say that everyone cries
its whether they're seen or not

i just want to let this silent prayer go out to everyone
you guys have been the best bunch of friends that anyone could have
i never regretted knowing every one of my friends around me
despite quarrels and arguments
and even some that lose contact
but i'll still like to wish them well
excelling well in what ever they do
taking charge of their futures
i wish you guys happiness
and success for the future

and to the special one..
i love you much
i think you know and you can feel it bahzz
you have far worst problems than me
and i think the one who's more hurt is you
i really admire your strenght being able to still endure all this after so many years
despite so many difficulties
you're still so full of love and compassion
i can see why you've fallen so deep
i believe that no guy would ever want to leave you
unknowingly i've become another one in the line

i don't want you to feel bad after reading this
i really want you to go over there
despite knowing that you'll be in a very far away place
what i wish is for you to really be very happy
live your life the very way you wish it
freed from the torment that you've been living in

i think its a very special feeling between the two of us
just the thought of the other would make you feel happy
happy for the other
happy for yourself
at least it fills my heart whenever i think of you
i believe that you'll never ever lose this feeling

My dear Guardian Angel
the encasted statue right at the very deepest bottom of my heart
i love you
when the time comes when we really have to part
all i ask is to just see you
=)